Touching Lyrics
by Russet022
Summary: AU. RLSB songfics. Three short clips of Sirius and Remus' life that were influenced by song. The first two are angst, the third is fluffy.
1. Beautiful Disaster

A/N: The evil plot bunnies attacked me at midnight and this is the result of having a song running through my head over and over… I normally only read this ship; it is the first time I am writing it and I know certain friends of mine will be highly disturbed by it. But Sirius was very determined to have his say. That said, I present my disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Remus and Sirius, though I wish Moony were mine. Kelly Clarkson owns the song "Beautiful Disaster," it is off her CD, _Breakaway._ I took some slight liberties with the lyrics to fit Remus and Sirius, but I think the actual song is way better. Forgive my messing with the song. Now, on to the story—Russet

Touching Lyrics

"_He drowns in his dreams/ an exquisite extreme, I know…"_

Remus Lupin winced as he turned the page of his book. His house-mate and best friend, Sirius Black, had just begun to sing. It wasn't that Remus disliked his friend's voice, quite the contrary, but the song was way out of Sirius' range. And, if Remus was not much mistaken, the song was Kelly Clarkson's "Beautiful Disaster." It was a rather girly song for Sirius to choose to sing.

"_He's as damned as he seems/ more Heaven than a heart should hold…"_

Idly Remus turned a page in his book, but he wasn't really reading. He was finding it impossible to ignore Sirius' off-key singing. And Remus was certain, though he hated to admit that he knew the song, that the line was "_more Heaven than a heart _could_ hold."_

"_And if I try to save him/ our whole world will cave in/ Just ain't right…"_

_"No, it just ain't right,"_ Remus thought along with Sirius' next line. "My," not "our" world will cave in. But Sirius seemed intent on butchering the song. Perhaps he was doing it to annoy Remus. It wasn't unheard of. For a nineteen-year-old wizard living in a time of war, Sirius could be very child-like, especially around Remus.

"_Oh, and I don't know/ I don't know what he's after/ But he's so beautiful/ he's such a beautiful disaster/ And if I could hold on/ through the tears and the laughter/ would it be beautiful/ or just a beautiful disaster…"_

Remus winced again at Sirius' vain attempts to hit all the high notes in the chorus. _If only he would sing the song in a key to match his voice, _Remus thought irritably. _And if he would hurry up. I was just getting to the good part._ The bookworm of the two was, of course, referring to the book resting limply in his lap as he listened raptly to Sirius.

"_He's magic and myth/ Strong, but he can't believe…"_

Remus had half a mind to go correct Sirius for such a blatant disregard of the actual lyrics, but the werewolf froze as his friend continued.

"_A tragedy with/ more damage than a soul should see/ But do I try to cage him/ so hard not to wake him…"_

The last two lines were so far off that Remus stood up, intending to set his friend straight. They were mistakes anyone could make; in fact, one of his friends had actually believed those were the original lyrics once. But the use of the words "cage" and "wake him" made Remus doubt that Sirius was mistaken. They reminded him of Sirius speaking about Remus' wolf.

"_Hold me tight/ baby, hold me tight…"_

Remus stopped to listen to the chorus again as he began to understand what Sirius was doing. Sirius wanted Remus to overhear him, even though he normally hated for anyone to hear him sing.

"_He's longing for love and the logical/ but I'm only happy hysterical/ we're searching for some kind of miracle/ waiting so long/ waiting so long…"_

Those three changes made perfect sense to Remus. Sirius was the hysterical one. Remus—_no_,_ anyone else, not me,_ he thought—was logical, compared to Sirius. Remus refused to put his name in for the "he" the song referred to. Sirius didn't, couldn't, think like that.

"_He's soft to the touch/ but frayed at the ends he breaks…"_

Remus' thoughts strayed, for a moment, to the full moon. Sirius was always there, no matter how awful Remus felt. Fur was soft, and Remus did break himself every time he transformed…

"_He's never enough/ but still he's more than I can take…"_

Sirius' voice paused, as if trying to get a deeper message across, a message that had everything to do with the mutilated lyrics and nothing to do with the actual song. _Trust Sirius to never come at anything personal straight on_, Remus thought bitterly. Sirius was the more open of the two, and yet, here he was, hiding behind words that someone else had written. Sirius had just changed them to suit his purpose, like everything else he had ever used.

"_Oh, and I don't know/ I don't know what he's after/ But he's so beautiful/ he's such a beautiful disaster/ And if I could hold on/ through the tears and the laughter/ would it be beautiful/ or just a beautiful disaster…"_

Remus winced at Sirius' last attempt at really high notes, and at the fact that, now that he thought about it, the song eerily fit him and Sirius. Even without Sirius' enlightening changes, the song fit. Sirius had just made it obvious to Remus. But Remus wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"_He's beautiful/ Oh, he's so beautiful/ He's beautiful."_

Sirius' voice stopped abruptly with the end of the song, leaving Remus to wonder if that was what Sirius truly felt. Remus knew that was how he, himself, felt. But what if he was reading too deeply into Sirius' seeming mistakes? Would it do either of them any good for Remus to acknowledge his feelings? For the first time, Remus was afraid of telling Sirius how he felt. The werewolf had never had any trouble showing his emotions to Sirius, but Remus had hid these particular feelings for years. He could have misinterpreted Sirius' meaning. He could have, though it seemed unlikely.

Remus heard Sirius' chair move and, still clutching his book, he hurried upstairs, denying that he had heard Sirius' singing.

In the living room, a depressed Sirius was left to wonder if Remus had even heard him sing. Sirius was proud of the way he had sung. Even with his changes he had not done too badly at the tune. And, most importantly, he had done it for Remus. It would be a long time, however, before Sirius knew that his lyrics had, in fact, managed to touch Remus' heart.


	2. Used To

A/N: This was supposed to be a stand alone one-shot sort of story, but the evil plot bunnies have once again attacked, and I decided that it might be nice to give Remus and Sirius a happy ending. This was supposed to be the last of it. Unfortunately, the plot bunnies don't work that way, and this is the middle of a trilogy. The disclaimer for this song: "Used To" is the second song off of Daughtry's self-titled album. I have not tampered with the lyrics this time, they were perfect the way they were. Again, Rowling owns Remus, Sirius, and Grimmauld Place, and I don't because both of them are deceased, much to my chagrin, and Sirius left Grimmauld to Harry.

Used To

Sirius Black glanced across the scrubbed, but still dull, table in the kitchen of Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place. Remus Lupin was sitting there in silence, staring at his plate and apparently deep in thought. Sirius had come to dread meals because of this silence. He used to love the fact that Remus was so quiet. It meant that he could talk all he wanted; but now, he never knew what to say. While the two former friends were working to clear the house of the muck left by ten year's neglect, they could almost forget the twelve-year distance and the deep suspicion that marked it. But when they sat down to eat, it all came flooding back, and an uneasy silence settled between them as it had never done before.

_You used to talk to me like/ I was the only one around/ You used to lean on me/ the only other choice was falling down/ You used to walk with me like/ we had no where we needed to go/ nice and slow/ to no place in particular…_

Sirius sighed as he began to hum that song again. Remus had brought an old radio of his that was charmed to run on magic. Sirius wasn't sure where Remus had acquired his collection of music, but Sirius would never have guessed that Remus would like Daughtry. He wondered why Remus would buy something he couldn't be sure of liking. A second later, Sirius remembered that the werewolf probably bought even music secondhand.

It had all been so simple once, friendship and the like, Sirius thought. Well, not _simple_ exactly. Sirius had never openly admitted his feelings for Remus, and it had hung between them, a cloud of unspoken emotion. Sirius was sure that if Remus had ever loved him back, it was a long-dead feeling. Only discomfort hung between them now. They both were very different from the boys they had been.

_We used to have this figured out/ We used to breathe without a doubt/ When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see/ We used to have this under control/ We never thought, we used to know/ At least there's you, and at least there's me/ Can we get this back/ Can we get this back/ to how it used to be…_

Remus frowned. Sirius was humming that song again. That CD had been a bargain, long after it had fallen out of the spotlight. Remus was glad he had bought it; it made Sirius sing again. Not that Remus was overly fond of Sirius' singing. At least his friend wasn't brooding.

Remus wished that Sirius would say something. Sirius had always been the one who led, and Remus followed. He hadn't always agreed with Sirius, but the other boy had been charming, popular and daring to the point of recklessness: everything Remus wasn't. Remus had often called Sirius an idiot, had tried to stop his more outrageous plans. It rarely worked. But somehow, Remus had gained enough influence over Sirius that Padfoot had learned just how far he could go without losing Remus' help.

_I used to reach for you when/ I got lost along the way/ I used to listen/ You always had the just right thing to say/ I used to follow you never really cared where we would go/ fast or slow/ to anywhere at all…_

Well, maybe not anywhere, Remus thought, as Sirius hummed that particular phrase. Remus had never gotten into as much trouble as James and Sirius had, and after Sirius had used Remus so horribly, claiming that it had all been a joke and that he'd never meant to hurt Moony, Remus had had a hard time trusting Sirius. Sometimes the werewolf believed that the other young man had found him boring.

It had all been so simple before the prank. He had been a little in awe of everything Sirius was. But even after Sirius had so tarnished his image in Remus' eyes, Remus could not help loving Sirius, as foolish as that was. Despite having almost concrete proof that the feeling was mutual, Remus was sure that the long years alone in Azkaban had stripped Sirius of any unrequited feelings of the sort. Besides, Sirius had changed, had become introverted with the lack of the ability to express himself. Perhaps he was afraid to.

_We used to have this figured out/ We used to breathe without a doubt/ When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see/ We used to have this under control/ We never thought, we used to know/ At least there's you, and at least there's me/ Can we get this back/ Can we get this back/ to how it used to be…_

Sirius began to actually sing out loud. This was the part of the song he had been unable to remember for the past week. Every time he had tried to sing it, it had eluded him. Perhaps this was because it was too much like a confession, even though he had never acknowledged love in the sense that the song seemed to suggest.

_"I look around me/ and I want you to be there/ because I miss the things that we shared/ Look around you/ It's empty and you're sad/ because you miss the love that we had…"_

Remus looked at Sirius with a frown as Sirius sang. Why_ that_ part of the song? He asked himself. Was Sirius trying to say something, as Remus suspected he had tried to long ago by mutilating the lyrics to "Beautiful Disaster?" Remus had questioned the other man's intentions then, hiding rather than confronting him about it. Remus didn't want to try to figure out what Sirius meant this time either, so he was going to hide again. He abruptly stood up, placed his empty plate in the sink, and excused himself.

_"We used to have this figured out/ We used to breathe without a doubt/ When nights were clear, you were the first star that I'd see/ We used to have this under control/ We never thought, we used to know/ At least there's you, and at least there's me/ Can we get this back/ Can we get this back/ to how it used to be?"_

Sirius watched him go, wondering why he left. Perhaps Remus didn't want to handle this, so soon after everything that had happened, or perhaps Remus had never had feelings for him and he was reading too much into the werewolf's actions. It wouldn't be the first time. Or _perhaps_ Remus was just being Remus, he thought, and nothing had changed after all, which didn't help in the slightest.

Any way he looked at it, nothing was like it used to be.


End file.
